So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
