We're facebook friends in real life
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
