Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
