Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
