Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
