Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
