May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
