I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Vodka?
Forever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
