Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
