the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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