if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
