beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
