i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
