He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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