you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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