Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
