It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
