I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
