Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
