Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
