you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You need a sexual gate keeper
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
