THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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