i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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