Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
