Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
