I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's the barista slut.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
