yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
