But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
