great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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