i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
