I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
