I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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