One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
