I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
