Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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