dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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