I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
