I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
