If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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