shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
