My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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