i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am available for nakedness
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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