Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
