Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
