He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
