dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When are your genitals available?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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