I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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