I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
