This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
