And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think your dad took our porno
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
