I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
