I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
