a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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