those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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